Flying Solo

“I’m alone…”

Do you know the feeling?  No one is in the house, the TV isn’t on – it’s quiet.

Some people like to be alone.  They value quiet time. Not me.  No way.  At least, that’s how I was.

When my Husband, Jeremy and I were dating, I hated being alone.  He was my first serious boyfriend, and I just adored him.  He’s good looking and dark, and kind, but certainly a man’s man.  Perfect, right?

One problem- he owns his own small trucking company, and while we were dating that meant that he had to be gone often… quite often (which he did NOT like).  I remember laying my head on my Mama’s lap one day and just crying because I missed him so.

My loving father and I have a great relationship, but he lives on the other side of the states from me.  My brother and I are thick as thieves, but he’s in the military stationed far away.  My grandfather was my favorite person in the world, but he passed away.  Over and over again it seemed I was always losing the significant men in my life, and here I was, dating a man who traveled for a living.

“Are you serious, God?” I asked. “Why would You bring me a man who is gone so much?  Don’t You know I hate being alone?  Do You expect me to live this way for the rest of my life?”

I fought with those questions so many times.  My life was so great when Jeremy was here, but then he would go away, and I felt as though my world was going to fall apart.  After a couple years of this (we dated almost 3), I began to ask myself some different questions-

“Perhaps God wants to heal my heart from all these hurts!?!” I thought.  “Is there a way to be comfortable with being alone?  Even content?”

After several late night talks with my Mom, and really excellent prayer sessions, I began to break free of my fear of abandonment.  That’s what was at the heart of this monster-FEAR.

I learned what God says in Deuteronomy 31: 6 to the children of Israel about fear is true for me as well!

“Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them (in my case the “them” was fear of abandonment), for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you or forsake you.” (NIV)

Now, when my Husband leaves, I miss him, yes, but I am not struck with fear.  He has even built up his business now so that he doesn’t have to be gone often.  Certainly, though, I can bless God for that season because it allowed me to face and overcome an obstacle in my life.

Perhaps God is using a struggle in your life to help you push through something.  I tell you, I did not enjoy it at the time, but in the end, allowing God to make me uncomfortable so He could heal me was, in truth, the best thing that could have happened.  I now know that my identity and solace come from Him.

Press Through the struggle.  Seek God in the fear.  Overcome.

~Rheannon

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